How honest are you with yourself. Do you ask for want you want, open up and tell the truth? It is interesting that being dishonest with yourself can feel easier than telling the truth. You can get stuck in a programmed way of behaving. Putting on a brave face, slap on the lipstick and smile, putting everyone’s needs before your own. I wonder if you know what your own needs are anymore, or indeed if you ever did.
My daughter was asked what she wanted as a gift this week from a loved one. She didn’t know how to respond or ask for what she wanted, she didn’t want to appear selfish or greedy. My daughter is a tweenager and you would think a teenager/tweenager could ask for absolutely anything they wanted, but alas no. When does that social conditioning happen? When it becomes impolite to ask for what you need or want. When does that switch happen from graciously accepting loving help or gifts to feeling that you are high maintenance and asking for too much?
Getting clear on your own needs is a little shift in perspective and starts with acknowledging how honest you are being with yourself and others. Learning to be honest and rethinking the need to lie can help to clean up your conscience and your relationships. Shifting your perspective slightly and orienting yourself to a policy of honesty can help you to eliminate the need for lies and make it more attractive, to tell the truth.
How honest with yourself are you?
Making yourself small, not asking for help with work, the dinner, the shopping. Perhaps you are not even aware that you are being dishonest with yourself, you have done it for so long it is what is expected and why is burn out 60% more prevalent in women than men. It is not that they are working less it is that chaps probably know their own limits, they are honest with themselves. I need to sleep, I need the day off, I need to hide in my man cave. She is bonkers.
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Honest, straightforward opinions that men act upon and follow through. No stress, no pressure, no second guessing, just action, feel better job done.
Why do you second guess yourself and everyone else around you before taking action that benefits yourself? Are you less honest with yourself because you are working with these preset programmes…
- Make yourself look better
Nobody likes the label ‘corporate bitch’ or ‘high maintenance’ or ‘thinks too much of herself’. Looking after others is a wonderful predisposition but pushing yourself so far that you are going to break and avoiding the label that not doing it may give you. It may sound scary to put yourself, a little out of your comfort zone but fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
2. Want respect
Working very hard and letting everyone know that you are super busy earns respect. It gives you the ‘badge of honour.’ Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
Formulating your life in the way that others think is best for you, is difficult to maintain. Living your life according to what your parents, friends, mentors, boss, or even the media think is best for you is damaging. Instead be guided by your inner voice, your inner calling.
Don’t be so busy with pleasing everybody, and living up to other people’s expectations, you’ll lose control over your life and forget what makes you happy, what you want, what you need. Be honest and open, listen to yourself.
3. Avoid embarrassment
An untruth can cover up something you are ashamed of, for instance, “I didn’t eat those biscuits it must have been the kids.” Own the biscuits and the chocolate Tunnocks hidden in the bottom of your handbag
There are plenty of moments of embarrassment but covering it up by blaming someone else, hurts you more. Instead, own the embarrassment, notice it feel it and let it go. You can choose your feelings and what you hold onto.
4. Cover up bad behaviour
“It was their fault, they jumped the lights, drove too fast, she shouted at me first.” Blaming others if the first line of defence when you feel guilty. Telling untruths or embellishments to eliminate your feeling of guilt, and to avoid possible punishment. Own up, it is easier. The simpler solution, the longer term happier solution is apologising and moving on “Sorry I shouldn’t have parked/sworn/beeped.” insert your own misdemeanour. If I add my own it will be a very long blog. You don’t need to criticize others and the way they do things that are different. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
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Acceptance is your easiest solution
Accepting when you are tired, exhausted or want something is not reckless, rude or impertinent. Talking from your heart will open up more avenues and less heartache.
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It is easier to cling onto past behaviours and yet change is good. Change will help you move from A to B and will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.” ~ Joseph Campbell
What is your next step, your step to change? If I can help I will join me, let’s find out what your programming is and move around it join me for a chat, apply here
Get Gorgeous is a journey together – yours and mine. Book some time for you x
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