This blog will outline the cost that your perfectionism has on your health. The very real consequences of micromanaging your family, work and even your friendship groups. Can you let it ‘all hang out’? Or would that make you feel uncomfortable or worse send you into a tailspin of PANIC? Perfectionism is an illness that can make you physically sick, it can detract from your enjoyment of the day and your life. It can be embedded so deep into the female characteristics that is is hard to observe and step back from.
What the cost of perfectionism?
But hey before I start throwing stones in glass houses I think I need to open up to my own perfectionist behaviour. I am a ‘recovering’ perfectionist you will never see me with chipped nail varnish or if you do I will be twitching in the corner of a room with a strange, distorted pained look on my face.
It is okay if you are a perfectionist you are in good company. Most women wear the ‘perfectionism’ label
I do have high standards, standards that I levy against myself, but interestingly not to others. It is thought-provoking that I can be so kind, graceful and understanding towards others and yet the same grace is not offered to myself.
Do you forgive others but not yourself?
I can allow others the virtue to kick back and free up their time, enjoy life and yet I am constantly on the go and being advised to meditate or close my eyes and think of nothing. I know I will be more productive, happier, saner and less grumpy with the kids when they don’t meet my high standards of bed making – or ANY standards of bed making come to that.
It is like a sport in my family, who can trigger the OCD button in mum? Who can leave the milk out and sit back and see what happens? A family grows together and we are good as a collective team in the tidy department. My hubby is a retail guru so he likes all the tins turned the right way in the cupboard, and my 11-year-old daughter freaks if somebody has put fruit on the ‘protein’ shelf in our fridge. That person would be me, indulging in some reciprocal sport of triggering the OCD button, sitting back and watching what happens.
So it is apparent I have a black sense of humour, a weird family and a perfectionism tendency. I am not perfect, but I do draw the line at chipped nail varnish. You all have your standards!
A lighthearted approach to perfectionism but there are real implications that can go right to the core of your mental health.
Don’t miss my blog: Learn how to love your gorgeous body with food, exercise and inner work
What is the cost of perfectionism to your health?
Is perfectionism a hindrance or a help? Do you have all your ducks lined up and nothing can penetrate your wall of perfectionism?
Do you have to do EVERYTHING yourself simply because you are the only one that knows how it SHOULD be done?
Hardcore perfectionists can have impossibly high standards, which can lead to obsessive self-critique, fear of failure and procrastination. The successful, ‘together’ image goes too far and then perfectionism can simply stop you from getting things done.
Perfectionism is hard to define and difficult to isolate in yourself, it can be very deep and can be regarded as a personality trait. It can be with you as a child and because it tends to be relatively stable over time – you may see your perfectionist tendencies as core to your identity and not something that you are willing or able to modify.
If you are a perfectionist to the core, and always have been. It may be difficult to change your behaviour all at once. Start by turning down the thermostat one notch at a time, you may well be possible to retain your high standards while learning more healthy ways of dealing with failures and setbacks.
Perfectionism versus Getting things DONE
A key goal is to change the striving for perfection to a striving for excellence or ‘good enough’
The self-critical ways of perfectionists also need to be balanced by self-compassion – perfectionists typically see being kind to themselves as an excuse and a weakness. But you are not alone many other women are struggling with the same issues.
Instead of being perfect ‘Tend and Befriend’
Tend and befriend is a much healthier way of dealing with perfectionism Women can develop a more suitable strategy of ‘tend and befriend’ which means you can enlist help from a female friend.
It is natural for women to tend or look after our households, work and social lives and yet we can also befriend other women to help us to tend to these situations.
The key to this behaviour is the female hormone called oxytocin.
A US study by Professor Shelley Taylor discovered that women seek out other women to talk to when the going gets tough. Not only will that release stress but it will also engage understanding and help.
Talk it through, explore your own perfectionist tendencies – open up and chat with your girlfriends about theirs. See your commonality amongst your friends and it WILL help you not only to self-diagnosis your perfectionist issues but it will go a long way to releasing them.
Don’t miss my blog: Find the ONE most important change to losing weight and Get Gorgeous
I am a huge advocate of ‘shining the light of awareness’. Mainly because I am not very good at seeing my own personality traits or modes of being until somebody else points it out to me. Once I am aware I can make the change. It takes only the observation of behaviour or perhaps the skillfully asked question that can help you to see how you interact. you have the gift to change, you can move mountains you simply need self-belief that you can do it and a friend fighting for you in your corner.
My perfectionism addiction is working… what is yours?
I have a gorgeous OCD!
THERE I SAID IT!
I am not simply passionate about helping girls realise their funky, sexiness and step into their gorgeous selves. I am obsessional! I have gorgeous OCD. I think the reason that I am so obsessional about health for women is that I know that everyone can have it. Nutritional advice is over complicated, mindset shifts can be daunting but not if have support and friendship. I invite you to capitalise on my OCD tendencies to your benefit
Over to you….
Take your first steps and find the time to put yourself first and explore how you can listen to your body more and observe your perfectionist tendencies with me. Book some time out for yourself click here
Here is a quick video I put together for those who are joining me to chat, it explains exactly what you and I will chat about
I am looking forward to speaking with you.
Get Gorgeous is a journey together – yours and mine.
PS. Don’t forget the gorgeous book – your insight into great health and vitality Gorgeous! how to look and feel fantastic every day. Click here to find out about your Gorgeous book
Find out what other gorgeous girls have to say…